Chicken jockey and the fall of theatre decency

Here’s how my week went: I ate a bowl of nails, painted myself pink and drove my Ducati off the side of the Grand Canyon. Then, I did something wild. I went to see “A Minecraft Movie.” As someone who has played the game for the past twelve years and counting, I can easily say… my expectations were as low as you can get, and I was right to assume so. Was the movie bad? Well, let me just say it’s no “Citizen Kane.” In other words, yeah, it’s awful, and that’s coming from someone who LOVES the game!

All that aside, I’m not here to give the film a good old Siskel & Ebert thumbs up or down. Instead, I’m here to talk about a horrible plague that is shredding the very fabric of cinema decency. The name chosen by the public to describe this horror is… Chicken Jockey (Excuse me while I shudder). 

For those who were born before the twenty-first century, a chicken jockey is when a baby zombie rides a chicken like a horse in the game Minecraft. Now for some reason, which I am still unable to comprehend, some TikTok-obsessed Gen Z young’uns decided it would be really funny if every time the Chicken Jockey appears in “A Minecraft Movie,” they go completely berserk, shower the theatre with boatloads of overpriced popcorn, and scream at the top of their lungs like a herd of caffeinated three-year-olds. To put it bluntly, kids, teens and even young adults have been trashing theatres, screaming and leaping around every time Jack Black’s character says the words “Chicken Jockey” in the film. One viral video even depicted a guy hoisting a live chicken in the theatre when the scene played. 

I love movies. I always have. I’ve seen Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man” and the “Toy Story” films more times than I can count. I also love going to the movie theatre. Every time I sit down and stare at that giant glistening screen while the lights slowly begin to dim and the speakers start to rumble, my heart pounds with unbridled anticipation and a thirst for adventure that can only be quenched by the great stories about to be screened. 

I don’t mean to go full “poet” on you, but movies are magic. And seeing them in a theatre is like adding icing to a big, tasty cake. But etiquette in the theatre is dying. Not only is the Chicken Jockey leaving a terrible stain on the shirt of cinema, but several other scenarios have ruined theatre experiences, too. In 2021, when “Spider-Man: No Way Home” debuted, audiences were shouting and whooping like sugar-buzzed football fans almost non-stop. And more recently, with “Wicked,” fans were heard singing along to the film as loud as jackhammers. Going to a movie used to feel like sitting in a planetarium or an art gallery. Now it feels like Chuck-E-Cheese. 

But movie theatres aren’t the only establishments suffering from these deadly diseases. The last few times I’ve gone to my favorite place in the world, Disneyland, people have been chatting, giggling and taking pictures while riding the attractions. I’m not trying to be mean. I know these people are just having fun, but all of these activities break the illusion. When I watch a movie or go on a ride, I don’t want to be thinking about an upcoming homework assignment or whether the wart on my uncle’s cheek has reached an eight out of ten on the “hideous scale.” I want to feel like I’ve been sucked into these fantastic worlds — like I’ve been plunged into these epic stories with engaging characters that will live in my heart until the rapture. 

To repeat, movies are magic, and movie theatres are essentially art galleries. However, with the rise of streaming and the terrible impact COVID-19 had on the film industry, movie theatres are now facing endangerment for the first time since the invention of television. All these juvenile stunts and trends turning auditoriums into unrestrained nuthouses will only push more people away, and soon, theatres will be nothing more than deserted relics.

Now, a message for movie lovers everywhere: Please don’t let movie theatres become the next Blockbuster or Toys-R-Us. The theatre is a sacred place for people like us, and the last thing I want is for that childlike sense of wonder and magic to be wiped away like a teardrop.